WALTZING MATILDA.

1) Once a jolly swagman camped by a billabong,

Under the shade of a coolibah tree,

And he sang as he watched and waited 'til his billy boiled

"Who'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me?" [chorus]

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CHORUS:

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Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda

Who'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me

And he sang as he watched and waited 'til his billy boiled,*

"Who'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me?"

[*Third line of each verse is third line of chorus.]

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2) Along came a jumbuck to drink at the billabong,

Up jumped the swagman and grabbed him with glee,

And he sang as he stowed that jumbuck in his tucker bag,

"You'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me". [chorus]

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3) Up rode the squatter, mounted on his thoroughbred,

Down came the troopers, one, two, three,

"Whose is that jumbuck you've got in your tucker bag?"

"You'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me". [chorus]

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4) Up jumped the swagman, leapt into the billabong,

"You'll never catch me alive," said he,

And his ghost may be heard as you pass by the billabong,

"Who'll come a-waltzing, Matilda, with me". [chorus]

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HUGGIN' AND CHALKIN'

Oh, gee,
But ain't it grand to have a girl
Who is so fat that when you go to hug her,
You don't know where you're at.
You've got to take a piece of chalk in your hand,
And hug a bit, and chalk a mark
To see where you began.
One day,

When I was huggin' and a-chalkin'
And a-chalkin' and a-huggin' away,
Well, I met another fella
With some chalk in his hand –
Comin' around the other way!
(He had a road map.)
Comin' around the other side!
(Was Gavin Blakey!) **
Comin' around the other way!

Now, I'm not a guy who's mild or meek,
My bones don't ache, my joints don't creak,
But I grow cold, and I get limp
Ev'ry time I see my "baby blimp."

Oh, gee,
But ain't it grand to have a girl
So big and fat that when you go to hug her,
You don't know where you're at.
You've got to take a piece of chalk in your hand,
And hug a bit, and chalk a mark
To see where you began.
One day,
While I was huggin' and a-chalkin'
And a-askin' her to be my bride –
Well, I met another fella
With some chalk in his hand,
Comin' around the other side!
(Over the mountain,)
Comin' around the other side!
(Another Toastmaster!) **
Over the Great Divide!

**Optional Lines.

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YA GOT TROUBLE.

FROM: The Music Man.

A pool table, don’t you understand?
Friends, either you are closing your eyes to a
situation you do not wish to acknowledge,
Or you are unaware of the caliber of disaster
Indicated by the presence of a pool table
in your community!

Well, ya got Trouble, my friends!
Right here, I say, Trouble right here in River City.
Why, sure, I'm a billiard player
Certainly mighty proud to say,
I'm always mighty proud to say it
I consider the hours I spend with a cue in my hand are golden
Help you cultivate horse sense
and a cool head and a keen eye
'Jever take and try to give an iron clad leave
to yourself from a three-rail billiard shot?
But just as I say it takes judgement, brains and
maturity to score in a balk-line game
I say that any boob can take and shove a ball in a pocket
And I call that sloth,
the first big step on the road to the depths of degreda-
I say, first- medicinal wine from a teaspoon,
then beer from a bottle
And the next thing you know your son is playin'
for money in a pinchback suit
And listenin' to some big out-o'-town jasper
hear him tell about horserace gamblin'
Not a wholesome trottin' race,
no, but a race where they set down right on the horse
Like to see some stuck up jockey boy sittin' on Dan Patch?
Make your blood boil, well I should say.
Now, folks, let me show you what I mean
You got one, two, three, four,
five, six pockets in a table
Pockets that mark the difference
between a gentleman and a bum
With a capital 'B' and that rhymes with 'P'
and that stands for 'pool'

And all week long,
your River City youth'll be fritterin' away
I say, your young men'll be fritterin'
Fritterin' away their noontime, suppertime, choretime, too
Hit the ball in the pocket
Never mind gettin' dandelions pulled,
or the screen door patched
or the beefsteak pounded!
Never mind pumpin' any water 'til your parents are caught
with a cistern empty on a Saturday night
and that's trouble
Oh, ya got lots and lots o' trouble
I'm thinkin' of the kids in the knickerbockers shirttails,
young ones peekin' in the pool hall window after school
Ya got trouble, folks, right here in River City
with a capital 'T' and that rhymes with 'P'
and that stands for 'pool!'

Now I know all you folks are the right kind of parents
I'm gonna be perfectly frank
Would you like to know what kind of conversation goes on
while they're loafin' around that hall
They'll be tryin' out Bevo, tryin' out Cubebs,
tryin' out tailor-mades like cigarette fiends
And braggin' all about how they're gonna cover up
a tell-tale breath with Sen-Sen
Now one fine night they leave the pool hall
headin' for the dance at the Armory
Libertine men and scarlet women and ragtime
Shameless music that'll grab your son, your daughter
into the arms of a jungle animal instinct- massteria!
Friends, the idle brain is the devil's playground, trouble!

(Oh, we got trouble!)
Right here in River City
(Right here in River City)
With a capital 'T' and that rhymes with 'P' and that stands for 'pool'
(That stands for pool)
We surely got trouble
(We surely got trouble)
Right here in River City
(Right here!)
Gotta figure out a way to keep the young ones moral after school

( 'trouble trouble trouble trouble...')

Mothers of River City,
heed this warning before it's too late
Watch for the tell-tale signs of corruption
The minute your son leaves the house
does he rebuckle his knickerbockers below the knee?
Is there a nicotine stain on his index finger?
A dime novel hidden in the corncrib?
Is he starting to memorize jokes
from Cap'n Billy's Whizbang?
Are certain words creeping into his conversation?
Words like... swell?
And... 'so's your old man'?

Well if so, my friends... Ya got trouble!
(Oh, we got trouble)
Right here in River City
(Right here in River City)
With a capital 'T' and that rhymes with 'P' and that stands for 'pool!'
(That stands for pool)
We've surely got trouble
(We surely got trouble)
Right here in River City
(Right here!)
Remember the Maine, Plymouth Rock and the Golden Rule?

Oho, we got trouble
We're in terrible, terrible trouble
That game with the fifteen numbered balls is the devil's tool
( Devil's tool)
Yes, we've got trouble, trouble, trouble
(Oh, yes, we got trouble here, we got big, big trouble)
With a 'T'
(With a capital 'T')
And that rhymes with 'P'
(That rhymes with 'P')
And that stands for pool
(That stands for pool!)

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THERE'S A HOLE IN THE BUCKET.

___

Henry:

There's a hole in the bucket,

dear Liza, dear Liza,

There's a hole in the bucket,

dear Liza, a hole.

_________

Liza:

Then fix it, dear Henry,

dear Henry, dear Henry.

Then fix it, dear Henry,

dear Henry, fix it.

________

Henry:

With what shall I fix it,

dear Liza, dear Liza,

With what shall I fix it,

dear Liza, with what?

________

Liza:

With a straw, then, dear Henry,

dear Henry, dear Henry,

With a straw, then, dear Henry,

dear Henry, a straw.

_______

Henry:

Sometimes I wonder why I spend
The lonely nights
Dreaming of a song.
The melody haunts my reverie
And I am once again with you.
When our love was new, and each kiss an inspiration.
But that was long ago, and now my consolation
Is in the stardust of a song.
Beside the garden wall, when stars are bright
You are in my arms
The nightingale tells his fairy tale
Of paradise where roses grew.
Though I dream in vain, in my heart it will remain
My stardust melody
The memory of love’s refrain.

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Try to Remember.
(from The Fantasticks)

Try to Remember the kind of September
When life was slow, and oh, so mellow,
Try to Remember the kind of September
When grass was green, and grain was yellow,
Try to Remember the kind of September
When you were a tender and callow fellow,
Try to Remember, and if you remember, then follow.

Try to Remember when life was so tender
That no one wept, except the willow,
Try to Remember when life was so tender
That dreams were kept beside your pillow,
Try to Remember when life was so tender
And love was an ember about to billow,
Try to Remember, and if you remember, then follow.

Deep in December, it’s nice to remember
Although you know the snow will follow,
Deep in December, it’s nice to remember
Without a hurt, the heart is hollow,
Deep in December, it’s nice to remember
The fire of September that made us mellow,
Deep in December, our hearts should remember,
and follow.

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“Moon Over Orange County”

words: Gerald Fleischmann, ATM-B, Seal Beach Speech Bums, 4842-F. (Tune: “Moon Over Miami”) Written for the TI Convention 2000 “Midnight Sing-a-long.”

Many thanks to the TI Overseas Districts!

(1) Moon Over Orange County,
Surf City, USA!
Toastmaster fun,
Club Number One
Meets way out that way.

Moon Over Orange County,
Miami is so hot!
But we don’t care,
We like hot air,
We create a lot!

Hark to the thrill of contestant speech sublime,
Hark to the seminars fine.
Hear how the crowds offer thunderous applause,
Someday, it’s gonna be mine!

Oh, Moon Over Orange County,
Mickey Mouse brings good cheer!
It’s all so grand -
See Disneyland.
If you missed it here.

(2) Moon Over Orange County,
Come to the Golden State!
Stay clear of smogs,
And pit bull dogs -
No sense tempting fate.

Moon Over Orange County,
Hope we won’t have a quake!
Our cheerful throngs
Sing hokey songs, [[yawn!]]
Try to stay awake.

Chuckle at costumes and get-ups at the ball,
Rock to that music so sweet!
Groove on the workshops to sharpen your skills,
We’ll get some sleep come next week!

Whoa, Moon Over Orange County,
“Smedley-ville,” here we come!
Our beach is clean -
Just use sunscreen -
And you’ll dig it, chum!

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DANNY BOY.

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1) Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling

From glen to glen, and down the mountain side

The summer's gone, and all the flowers are dying

'Tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bide.

But come ye back when summer's in the meadow

Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow

'Tis I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow

Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so.

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2) And if you come, when all the flowers are dying

And I am dead, as dead I well may be

You'll come and find the place where I am lying

And kneel and say an "Ave" there for me.

And I shall hear, tho' soft you tread above me

And all my dreams will warm and sweeter be

If you'll not fail to tell me that you love me

I'll simply sleep in peace until you come to me.