by Eric Bogle

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1) Now when I was a young man I carried my pack

And lived the free life of the rover

From the Murray's Green Basin to the dusty outback

I waltzed my Matilda all over

Then in 1915 my country said "Son,

It's time you stopped rambling, there's work to be done."

So they gave me a tin hat and they gave me a gun

And they mached me away to the war.

* * *

CHORUS 1:

And the band played Waltzing Matilda

As the ship pulled away from the quay

And amidst all the cheers, flag waving and tears We sailed off for Gallipoli

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2) And how well I remember that terrible day

How our blood stained the sand and the water

And of how in that hell that they called Souvla Bay

We were butchered like lambs at the slaughter

'Johnny Turk' he was ready, he'd primed himself well

He rained us with bullets and he showered us with shell

And in five minutes flat he'd blown us all to hell

Nearly blew us right back to Australia

* * *

CHORUS 2:

And the band played Waltzing Matilda

While we stopped to bury our slain

We buried ours and the Turks buried theirs

Then it started all over again

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3) And those that were left, well we tried to survive

In that mad world of death, blood and fire

And for ten weary weeks I kept myself alive

Though around me the corpses piled higher

Then a big Turkish shell knocked me arse-over-head

And when I awoke in my hospital bed

And saw what it had done, well, I wished I was dead

Never knew there was worse things than dying

* * *

CHORUS 3:

For I'll go no more waltzing Matilda

All around the green bush far and free

For to hump tent and pegs a man needs both legs

No more waltzing Matilda for me

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4) So, they collected the wounded, the crippled, the maimed

And shipped us back home to Australia

The legless, the armless, the blind, the insane

The proud, wounded heroes of Souvla

And when our ship pulled into Circular Quay

I looked at the place where my legs used to be

And thanked Christ there was no one there waiting for me

To grieve and to mourn and to pity

* * *

CHORUS 4:

But the band played Waltzing Matilda

As they carried us down the gangway

But nobody cheered, they just stood there and stared

Then they turned all their faces away

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5) So now every April I sit on my porch

And I watch the parade pass before me

I see my old comrades, how proudly they march

Reliving old dreams and past glories

And the old men march slowly, old bones stiff and sore

They're tired old heroes of a forgotten war

And the young people ask "What are they marching for?"

And I ask myself the same question

* * *

CHORUS 5:

But the band plays Waltzing Matilda

And the old men still answer the call

But as year follows year, more old men disappear

Some day no one will march there at all

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REGULAR CHORUS:

Waltzing Matilda, Waltzing Matilda

Who'll go a'waltzing Matilda with me?

And their ghosts may be heard as they march by that billabong

Who'll come a'waltzing Matilda with me?

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THEY WERE YOU.

From The Fantasticks.

* * * *

1) When the moon was young,

When the month was May,

When the stage was hung for my holiday,

I saw shining lights, but I never knew,

They were you, they were you, they were you.

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2) When the dance was done

When I went my way,

When I tried to find rainbows far away,

All the lovely lights seemed to fade from view,

They were you, they were you, they were you.

__________

3) When the secret pray'r, Every fancy free,

Everything I dared for both you and me.

All my wildest dreams multiplied by two.

They were you, they were you, they were you

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4) Without you near me, I can't see

When you're near me,

wonderful things come to be

They were you, they were you, they were you.

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One Fat Hand.

Boy Scout Chant-Spoken.

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Each ‘verse’ of the chant starts at the beginning,
and adds the next line.

One fat hand

A coupla’ ducks

Three baby brown bears

Four rabbit running hares

Five, fat, fidgety females

Six simple Simons selling salt in Siam

Seven slimy sailors sniffing snuff

Eight elongated elephants, elevated on an escalator

Nine nimmery nose nocks nibbling on nine nimmery nose nocks

And –

Ten, two-ton, two-tone tractor trailer trucks, traveling from Tyler, Texas, to Tullahoma, Tennessee.

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IF...

_____*_____

If a picture paints a thousand words,
Then why can't I paint you?
The words will never show
The you I've come to know.

If a face could launch a thousand ships,
Then where am I to go?
There's no one home but you,
You're all that's left me too.

And when my love for life is running dry,
You come and pour yourself on me.

If a man could be two places
at one time, I'd be with you.
Tomorrow and today,
beside you all the way.

If the world should stop revolving
spinning slowly down to die,
I'd spend the end with you.
And when the world was through,

Then one by one the stars would all go out,
Then you and I would simply fly away.

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YOU'RE ONE IN A MILLION.

___*___

You're one in a million
Oh
Now
You're one in a million
Oh

Sometimes I can't hate you every day
Sometimes you can fall for everyone you see
Only one can really make me stay
A sign from the sky
Said to me.

You're one in a million
You're once in a lifetime
You made me discover all the stars above us
You're one in a million
You're once in a lifetime
You made me discover all the stars above us.

I've been looking for that special one
And I've been searching for someone to give my love
And when I thought that all the hope was gone
You smile, there you were and I was gone.

I always will remember how I felt that day
A feeling indescribable to me
Yeah
I always knew there was an answer for my prayer
And you, you're the one for me.

You're one in a million
You're once in a lifetime
You made me discover all the stars above us
You're one in a million
You're once in a lifetime
You made me discover all the stars above us. [2x]

I was cool and everything was possible
You tried to catch me but it wasn't possible
Nobody could hurt me it was my game
Until I met you baby and went insane
And when you didn't want me, I wanted you
Because the finer thing bout it was I like to go
I like it when its difficult I like it when it's hard
You know it's worth it if ya find your heart.

You're one in a million
You're once in a lifetime
You made me discover all the stars above us
You're one in a million
You're once in a lifetime
You made me discover all the stars above us. [2x]

You're one in a million
Oh
You're one in a million.

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THE MALADJUSTED JESTER.

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When I was a lad, I was gloomy and sad
As I was from the day I was born
When other lads giggled and gurgled and wiggled,
I proudly was loudly forlorn.

My friends and my family looked at me clamily,
Thought there was somthing amiss
When others found various antics hilarious,
All I could manage was this, or this, or this.
My father, he shouted, "He needs to be clouted,
His teeth on a wreath I'll hand him!"
My mother, she cried as she rushed to my side,
"You're a brute and you don't understand him!"

So they sent for a witch with a terrible twitch
To as how my future impressed her
She took one look at me, and cried,
"Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee, he?
What else can he but a jester?"
A jester? A jester?! A funny idea, a jester!
No butcher, no baker, no candlestick maker,
And me with the look of a fine undertaker
Impressed her as a jester?

Now where could I learn any comical turn
That was not in a book on the shelf?
No teacher to take me, to mold me and make me
A merry man, fool, or an elf?

But I'm proud to recall that in no time at all
With no other recourses but my own resources
With firm application and determination
I made a fool of myself!

I bought a little gun and I learned to shoot
I bought a little horn and I learned to toot
Now I can shoot and toot, ain't I cute?

I started to travel to try to unravel
My mind and to find a new chance
When I got to Spain it was suddenly plain
That the field it appeared was to dance

The Spanish were clannish, but I wouldn't vanish
And learned every step they had planned
The first step of all isn't hard to recall
Because the first step of all is to stand....and
stand..and stand..and stand..and stand..
They sometimes stand this way for days
Then they get very mad at the floor
and start to stomp on it.

After all of my practice,
the terrible fact is
I made a fool of myself
I sadly decided that dancing as I did
To sing was a thing that was surer
I found me a teacher, a crochety creature
Who used to sing coloratura.

She twisted my chin, pushed my diaphragm in
With a poker she vocalized me
But she said it was best that I threw out my chest
You may gather that rather surprised me.

I was on solid ground till I suddenly found
That in Venice I was to appear
The gala local was a choppy canal
And me a high sea gondolier.

I nervously perched as the gondola lurched
Before the King's palazzo
As I started my song, my voice it was strong
But my stomach I fear was not so.

When I fell overboard how his majesty roared
And before his siesta he made me his jester
And I found out soon that to be a bafoon
Was a serious thing as a rule
For a jester's chief employment
Is to kill himself for your enjoyment
And a jester unemployed is nobody's fool!